dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
