A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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