Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
