i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
