I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
