We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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