I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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