I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
