My pussy is not your playground.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
