Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
