I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize