the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
