So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
