Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
