captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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