They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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