I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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