The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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