We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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