I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
