True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
