Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
