paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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