dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
