his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
