Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
