brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
