East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
