I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
