she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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