I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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