I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
