K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Randomize
