apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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