Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
