this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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