they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
