Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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