Can i not drive my cunt home
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
