remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My penis needs a shock collar
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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