How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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