Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
