Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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