Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
