there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
