Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
