we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
as a side note pls kill me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
