So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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