Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize