he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
