You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
