I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
