My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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