just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
