You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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