He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
