he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
