And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
