Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
