how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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