so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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