my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
