yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
